A New Beginning ?

Happy Birthday

2008-09-22T06:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday ....

I hope you are in a place where you are younger, playing shuttle, driving your fiat and writing articles for magazines. I hope you are with your mom. I hope you are happy. I miss you terribly but am glad you are free. Please always watch over me and take care of me as only you can.

I love you

RIP Ammamma

2008-06-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

She's finally free of pain .. I'm grateful, not sure who to be grateful to though. Its times like these that i envy the believers, I've always been an atheist. It must be easier to have hope and belief in a higher power, in God.

My Grandmother ...

2008-05-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

Seems like its the beginning of the end, or rather the end of the ending, Ammamma's worse now, she's semi comatose.

I went to see her today, one thing struck me the most, her skin looked like a baby's skin, no wrinkles. I touched her hands, touched her nose, ran my fingers across her cheeks, brushed her hair. Then i kissed her forehead and went to work.

THEN I bawled.

My Grandmother And Me

2007-09-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

My earliest memory is of my grandmother and me sitting in the backyard and making mudpies. I must have been about 2 or 3 years old. I had a miniature kitchen set with tiny pots and pans and plates and a rice cooker. I cooked lunch and fed her everyday which she dutifully ate.

My grandmother was a bit of a trailblazer for her day. Married of unwillingly at 18 to a man she did not know, she always tried to make the best of what little was available to her. Education for girls back then wasn't really considered important. I remember her saying how much she missed having a Masters degree in literature. She wrote articles for news papers and magazines which were constantly published. She appeared on All India Radio and she learnt how to drive her own car. Her marriage could be best categorized as volatile. Not once do I remember any kind of love between her and my grandfather. A man, best known for his searing words and hot temper.

I honestly believe that my grandmother fell in love with me the moment I was born. After all I was her first and only grandchild. Both my parents worked. So I lived with her and went to her after school as I got older. She was all that a grandmother should be. My mum never worried about me as long as I was under her care. As I grew older I saw her more critically and began seeing her faults. She had an eccentric streak, many times she tried to pit me against my parents. I always forgave her for these infarctions though.

She was also a state shuttle badminton champion. Many years she would drive me and we would go to the railway club together, where she would play shuttle , she did this well into her seventies. She wrote incessantly and she read all she could. I would dearly like to think she did all she possibly could in the time she had.

Now, she lies in a bed in her home all day. She is taken in a wheelchair to watch TV for a couple of hours every day. She is spoon fed her breakfast, lunch and dinner by a round the clock nurse who bathes her, takes her to the bathroom, combs her hair, basically does everything that needs to be done. My grandmother cant talk anymore. She can't move by herself. She cant see very well. I know for a fact though that she is mentally alert and can understand everything we say.

To see my grandmother as a shadow of her former self hurts so much, that sometimes I could just burst with the injustice of it all. I catch myself hoping death comes quickly and painlessly and then I feel guilty. What kind of person wishes that her own grandmother would die ?? .

I just miss her. I want the sunday morning picnics back. I want mudpies in my backyard. I want her to listen to me when I have work stories to tell. I want her to live forever .

Hens the picture....

2007-08-08T02:57:00.001-07:00

Silly pun is coming up....

2007-08-07T03:03:00.000-07:00

- Sometimes there is a vas deferens between trying to get pregnant and actually getting there...

*bows*

Harry Potter and Me

2007-07-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

So..this is going to be a part post about what Harry Potter has meant to me over the past few years. I was first introduced to the books by my aunt in 01, by then the first 3 books had already released. So I started dutifully with the first and read all 3 and so began the feverish wait for the 4rth and the 5th and the.. well you get the picture... speaking of which, the movies...somehow were never that exciting , never good enough ....but anyway, i'm digressing here...

So, The books, yes ...I think my all time favorite book has to be " The Goblet Of Fire" , it was so beautifully written from beginning to end. I especially loved the way she described the 2 main events in the book, " The Quidditch World cup" and " The Triwizard Tournament."

I loved how the "Veela" were characterized, the Bulgarian mascots, JKR does such a beautiful job of weaving little lessons into seemingly innocuous characters. Remember where Arthur Weasley says " and that is why boys, One must never go for looks alone," as the veela were turning into ugly bird like creatures.

Also, the characterization of house elves, strange creatures really, they possess very strong magic, stronger than wizards in some intsances, but being tied down to their masters, cant't use it. Dobby and Winky and Kreacher ( later books, book 6) all so different in their own ways. Dobby the trailblazer, wants freedom and he wants paying[:-)], Winky the conformist, who only wants to do what is expected of her, and Kreacher ..aah Kreacher, I think was by far the most well thought out, fascinating character of the three. All he needed, was to be treated with kindness.

It's All Over...

2007-07-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

Sigh .... 7 hours of reading ...from 7:30 am to 2:30 pm ....to read Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows and its done....I have never felt more incomplete, no spoilers here, but might I say ..."sigh" ....there was so much more I expected and I thought that would happen.

Its the end of an era, I wonder if any other books will ever come close to them in my life time.

Harry Potter Mania - The Deathly hallows

2007-07-20T04:25:00.000-07:00

I REFUSE to read the book that leaked on the net. I REFUSE to speak to people who have. I reserve the right to abuse those who greet me with the following " I know who dies" ....Its wrong , you do not read like that , NOT Harry Potter, surely this book deserves better.

This book deserves an early morning bike ride to the book shop, it deserves waking up , cursing the fact that you have to wake up early on a saturday , gulping a cup of coffee, reaching the book store, standing in a long queue with fans of all ages, waiting and waiting, getting to the counter, buying it, feeling the book in your hands, all 784 pages of it...it deserves being taken home in feverish anticipation of what is to come...getting home, making yourself your second cup of coffee, snuggling in your favorite couch/chair, opening it, reading it ..... THIS at the very least, this book deserves.....8/9 hours of uninterrupted pure reading, no internet, no television, no phone calls, no visits.

It does.. I'll miss it when its gone....

Pictures...

2007-07-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

Listening to Sheryl crow and Kid rock song..Pictures...an unlikely pairing if there ever was one, but what a song.... transports you ....

I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her

I called last night at the hotel
Everyone knows but they won't tell
But there half hearted smiles
Tell me something just ain't right
I've been waiting on you for sometime
Fuelling up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in three damn nights

I associate certain songs with certain people... friends, family, cousins, lovers,.... the song conjures a mental image of them ....as long as its playing , you see them in front of you , no matter where they may really be at that point of time..

sigh

2007-07-19T06:29:00.001-07:00

To all of my friends..
please don't roll your eyes...i know this is probably the 4rth one...i've kind of lost count myself lol...hehehe...this will be the last one, i swear!!!